I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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