What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she smelled like a LAN party
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i've created a new STD.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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