I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
