There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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