its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
