What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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