D3 body, D1 cock
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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