God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
