I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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