Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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