I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
