It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
