well I can't set my house on fire every night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
