I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
