My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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