just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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