just tell him i said nine months
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
