i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
