I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize