My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
