I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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