Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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