What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
