dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
