I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
