i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
