He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
