i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize