i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
