I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
