What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
