True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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