You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
