3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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