Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
