Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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