i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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