Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
