what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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