I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
