can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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