After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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