No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
