3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
