Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
