dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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