Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
