I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
