Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
