you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
