i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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