Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
