Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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