I love black thongs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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