I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
