My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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