Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
