I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize