I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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