I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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