it was like eating out sand paper
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
