dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize