Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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