My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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