it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize