So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
