Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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