It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
