Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In other news, I just burned my penis
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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