Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
