Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize