The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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