i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
