my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
